1.Take responsibility
for your own happiness.
Save yourself several hours of arguing by remembering this
one rule: it's not up to anyone else to make you happy. In a relationship your
partner will try to please you and make you happy but in the end you are responsible
for your happiness.
2. Make good on your
words.
Follow through on your promises. When you say you're going
to do something, do it. Don't say that you'll cook dinner, or get a birthday
present, and then blow it off or simply forget about it. What this does is
systematically destroy trust. And relationships need trust in order to thrive.
3. Admit your
mistakes.
If you know you've
done something to hurt your partner, intentionally or not, own up to it. Humble
yourself and apologize sincerely, without making excuses or justifications like
"I'm sorry you made me angry."
Commit to changing your behavior. If you notice yourself
apologizing for the same mistake over and over, step it up a level. Tell your
partner that you recognize this mistake keeps happening, and you want to train
yourself to stop. Request help and ask for him or her to gently point it out to
you when you're making this mistake again.
4. Be realistic.
Every relationship has disagreements and days when staying
isn't the easiest choice. But what makes a relationship healthy is choosing to
resolve those problems and push through the hard days, instead of just letting
issues and resentment fester.
Review your expectations. Do you see your partner as a person,
with both winning qualities and flaws, or as someone you expect to be perfect?
If your expectations are so astronomical that no one could live up to them 100%
of the time, you're setting up your relationship for failure.
Accept that conflict happens. If you expect to be in a
long-term relationship, you're bound to have the occasional disagreement.
Remember that one argument isn't the end of everything, and there's no person
on earth that you'd agree with all the time.
Always ask yourself whether you're better off in the
relationship than out of it. If you don't think you're better off in the
relationship, then you probably should have a serious discussion with your
partner. In a loving relationship, this question almost always gets a simple
"Yes."
5. Listen to your
partner.
Sometimes, all your partner wants is for you to lend an ear
and be sympathetic about one of their problems. Other times, your partner wants
you to actively give them advice. Know which one your partner is looking for,
and try to give them what they want. Being a good listener is all about paying
attention to what they're saying and not blowing it off.
Listening to your partner will enhance your relationship in
many ways. It will help you resolve differences without arguing; let you explore
each other's personality more deeply; and even help you pick out an awesome
Christmas present. There are no downsides to listening.
6. Show your
affection in whatever way you can.
There's a difference between knowing that you're loved and
feeling that you're loved. Sometimes, we bank on the fact that our partners
should know that we love them even when we don't show it. Don't rely on this
too much. The best relationships use affection to show love.
Do something for your partner that you know s/he will truly
appreciate. Whether it means getting up early to mow the lawn, taking the kids
to karate, or baking that nutella shortcake, it's often the little favors that
say the most.
Don't be afraid to show physical affection every once in a
while. Loving relationships feed off of the little kisses, hugs, and back-rubs
that are mainstays of affection.
Do the unexpected. It's one thing to kiss your partner after
you come home from work; it's another thing to kiss your wife while you're
skydiving, falling 10,000 feet from a plane. It's the thought that counts, so
put a little effort into it for huge returns.
7. Be loyal.
Make sure he/she knows that you will always be there for
him/her. Put him/her first in your life as much as you possibly can. Not that
you have to only see him/her ever, or never talk to anyone else, but he/she
should know that he/she can always count on you if he/she needs something.
Also, expect the same loyalty from him/her. You deserve to feel prized in the relationship
just as much as him/her.
8. Do not ever hide
anything from him/her.
Especially your feelings about him/her and your relationship
- whether good or bad! This way you will be able to overcome all the
difficulties and challenges together. If something bad happened in your past
that still affects you in the present, he/she needs to know about it. Note: you
should be able to discuss your sexual history. It is an obligation before you
decide to be sexually involved with your partner. But you should make them feel
safe and not judgmental and you should expect the same from your partner.
Have a Healthy Relationship Step 9.jpg
9. Give him/her some
space.
Everyone needs their own privacy and some freedom, so don't
constantly watch everything he/she does. Everyone hates to be watched, stifled
and controlled.
Do not ever spy on him/her (reading his/her phone, stalking
him/her on social networks, following him/her around). If he/she is cheating on
you, you will find out. These things cannot be kept secret for very long. But
if you spy on him/her and he/she is innocent, you will lose his trust and
respect forever.
10. Express your
feelings towards him/her.
Always remind him/her of how much they mean to you, and what
they represent to you. Women are not the only ones who need expressions of love
and care, men need that too.
If you have a problem, you need to let him/her know -
preferably in a clear and calm manner without any yelling. If he says `Are you
OK?` and you answer yes, do not expect him to understand that you really meant
no. Be honest and open.
Let him/her know it is safe to open up to you about what he
is feeling. Reward his/her trust in you by sympathizing with him/her and, but
you don`t need to say much, just listen.
Don't be afraid to lose him/her or spend every minute
fearing the huge pain that that might cause you. Enjoy each wonderful moment as
it happens, and realize that there will never be another one just like it.
Never be pathetic and needy just to make him/her pay
attention to you and give you sympathy.
A solid relationship should be based on mutual respect; if
you are constantly trying to pull him/her down with you, this means you don`t
respect him /her enough to want him/her to be happy. If you are depressed, see
a doctor - don`t pull some guy/girl into your problems.
11 Encourage him/her.
So that he/she can be more successful at work or study. That
will make him/her realise how much you care about his/her future and wish that
he/she'd become one of the best. It will also make his/her feeling towards you
grow even stronger, and he/she will believe that you're ready to support
him/her on anything he/she does.